Another Day.....another friend with a BFP!

       Me? The green eyed monster? NEVER! OK that's a lie because I really really am!! Terrible isn't it. Don't get me wrong I love that all my friends and Facebook acquaintance's are getting their BFP's (Big Fat Positive) I really do but i can't help but be a teeny bit envious especially when the say "it just happened" when you've been battling month after month for YEARS to create your family!

OK maybe I am actually a terrible person after all I don't really help myself do I?? Let's look at my mission as it stands

• I forget constantly to take my pregnancy vitamins.
• I eat far to much chocolate and other Junk
• I'm horrifically overweight.
• I rely far to much on caffeine to get me through the day.

OK that list could go on FOREVER so may as well just cut it down to the things I DO get right which is not smoking or drinking alcohol - which I've never done- so never really going to be an issue.

     The thing is I start each new cycle with some degree of optimism. I begin taking my multivitamins, eating well and getting my exercise DVD actually in the DVD player which is progress. I suppose. But It all get's very tedious very quickly. When your cycles can be anything from 35-80 days long your patience wears thin and even sex can become boring or turn into 'just doing it to get pregnant' which isn't really what it should be about - in my opinion.

And I know if I just shifted some of this weight it would make such a difference. Since last september I have lost and regained the same stone and a half THREE yes THREE times!! If I had just kept it off and kept going i might not be in this predicament and could actually be getting some help with TTC but alas - until I can get my BMI under 35 they won't touch me a barge pole (or any other kind of pole!) and as my BMI stands closer to the 45 mark I have really got some work to do. Initial will power and motivation I can do. But it only take one bad day to completely throw me off track! One chinese and I throw in the towel and tell myself to 'just except im fat and never going to have another baby'. I am my own worst enemy!!

I have no idea where I'm going with this. After all the only person who can help me is me. But I would love some tips and advice. Food needs to no longer be my best friend!! I have got to do something about the rather large behind of mine if I want that longed for BFP!