'Not Trying, Not Preventing'

Hubby has given up. A new cycle began over a week ago and he came out and "I don't want to 'TRY' anymore". 

It's been just over 3.5 years we've been trying now. My cycles are out of control and my PCOS symptoms are getting worse not better. Even with inositol. 

One of the major downsides to PCOS is getting more than one positive OPK a cycle. It's almost like your body gears up for ovulation and then it just doesn't happen. Well apparently these tests are driving hubby to despair. They are miniature forms of torture because they give you a false sense of hope when actually they were just designed to tease women like me. 

So we've entered this whole 'not trying, not preventing scenario which I've always thought to be a bit of a cop out. Your either trying or your not? But now I'm in this predicament I guess I'm going to have to change my opinion on that. 

I feel completely out of control of the one small thing I had left in my life that I actually had control over. No temping, no testing, now tracking CM ( well he can't really stop that from happening can he?). It's been so long now. We're both feeling drained. I thought I'd be done having kids by now. I think my dream of 4 will be stopping at 2 though. I feel drained and depressed with a side of guilt because whilst I sit here thinking 'why me?' There's couples out there been trying much longer and don't even have 1 kid yet but I can't help how I feel. I wish I could. I know my depression has reared it's ugly head and I'm not sleeping again. Because of my ridiculously long cycles my chances of a 2014 baby are already gone. Unless by some Miracle my cycle is shorter than it is normally. 

This is just a ranty post because I need to let it out some where. I just want to know when it going to be my turn again? 

PCOS: Cycle 1 2014: What are we trying this cycle?

Entering our 4th year of TTC baby no2 and, well, ive given up hope but I'm still not ready to give up trying and yes I know that makes no sense.

Reasons for giving up hope are, hubby and I literally get no time together. Our 4 year old still sleeps with me and has stopped sleeping 7pm -11pm recently which used to be our bit of time together (when he wasnt on lates or sleep ins) but now C is up and down like a yo yo and some nights I wonder why I even bothered climbing the stairs to bed. The lack of sleep and our 8 hours of 'us' time a week seems to have left us bickering worse than ever and we are really good bickerers ;) (is that even a word?).
The other reason is probably clear from the picture in this post. I had just 3 complete cycles in 2013. Just 3 chances to conceive the precious bundle I so desperately long for. 

The first cycle of 2014, because of their longevity, began of the 1st Dec 2013. This cycle im taking the usual Sanatogen mum to be and mumomega and hubby is continuing his wellman reproduction. But this cycle I am also taking inositol which seems to becoming a popular product in the PCOS community and you can read more about it here. I will also Finally be using the kit that was sent to me by the fine people at Zestica.

Today is CD13 so I still have a long way to go going by this years cycles. 
Who knows what 2014 will bring.